Let’s talk about Hope. Or some might call it Positive Thinking.
But I’d call it Fantasy Thinking or Wish Believing.
I’ve heard a LOT in the last few days, “But (some magical sign) probably means (something awesome), that should give you some reassurance.” For Example: “But he doesn’t have purple spots on his toes, that probably means that it’s nothing too serious – that should be very reassuring!” “He seems like he feels ok, that surely means there’s nothing too bad going on with his liver, that’s got to make you feel better about things!”
Truth? No. No, it does not make me feel better. No, it is not reassuring.
One thing that many of us medical-needs moms learn eventually (oh, how I wish we learned it quickly, but we almost never do) is not to believe the possibility of good news until it’s pretty well certain. It’s far, far better to not believe in the possibility of something good and be pleasantly surprised than it is to pin your hopes on that possibility and have your world crumble twice over when it turns out not to be true.
This isn’t pessimism. It’s not saying “It’s probably something AWFUL!! Oh, the humanity!!” It’s just coping.
Let me note: I think chances are good that it’s NOT something serious. I do not think he has liver failure, for example. But I’m not letting my mind go to either extreme – I’m not letting myself formulate the belief that it’s not something serious. Nor am I letting myself formulate the belief that it IS something serious. I am actually quite skillfully sitting on the fence in the middle of the road here. It is something that we just don’t know what it is and we’ll find out and we’ll deal with that when we get there.