Yeah. The big one. Scared.
I don’t know that I have much to say about this. This is scary.
The surgery itself is scary. He’s had surgery before, but this is a BIG surgery.
The immediate post-transplant time is scary.
We’ll be in the PICU, which is new to us, and that’s scary.
I’ve never had to do blenderized diet in the hospital that’s… intimidating.
Then there’s the whole We’re Going To Send You Home And You’re In Charge Of Keeping That New Kidney Happy aspect of what will be our New Normal. Scary.
It’s all so unknown. Scary.
I feel horrifically unprepared for this, but I don’t know what else I could be doing to GET prepared. Scary.
Realistically, this particular surgery isn’t that much more likely to be fatal than any other surgery. It’s not particularly dangerous. But there’s that overhanging sense of there being so many things that could go wrong, any one of which leads us down the road we try not to think about. Scary.
And, yes, we trust God. This isn’t about trusting God. I know that trusting God isn’t a guarantee of anything other than that He has a plan that I can’t see and that ultimately, it’s for good things. But there’s no short-term guarantees there, a fact of which I am well aware. There’s no Trust God and everything will work out the way you want it to verse in the Bible. There’s just Trust God. And, frankly, that’s REALLY hard to do sometimes.