Last week, I decided I was in Transition.
Transition. When you’re in labor, at least an unmedicated one (could be for medicated, too, I don’t know), when you reach the end of the dialation phase and you are heading into the pushing phase, you go through a period of time called Transition. Contractions sometimes come right on top of one another. You’re at your MOST miserable. You’re tired. Mentally, you’re spent.
This is when it’s not uncommon to decide you’re not going to have a baby. In labor with my oldest, I told our doula that I wasn’t going to do this any more. She encouraged me, “but, Sarah! You’re doing it!” And I didn’t have the energy to tell her, I didn’t mean physically getting a baby out of my body… I meant having a baby in a more general sense. I didn’t want to have a baby, after all. For a few insane moments, I literally had decided that I had changed my mind on the whole parenthood thing and I was ready to be finished.
Women report wanting to go home. Wanting to promise to come back tomorrow to have a baby. Wanting to be finished. Panicking. (also lovely things like vomiting, which I did with 2 of my labors, great fun.)
I was in Transplant Transition last week.
I was ready to bolt. I was panicky. I messaged Randy and told him I’d changed my mind, that we were crazy for doing this. (I was not actually serious, any more than I was serious about deciding I didn’t want to be a parent mere moments before giving birth to my first.) But think about it! Teddy’s had the best three months in his life here. It’s easy to forget in times like these what the previous 3 months were like, and what we’re trying to avoid. It’s easy to panic over whether this is the right decision.
And, just as you need support to get through transition in labor, I needed support to get through transition for transplant. I rallied that support and I think I’m past the worst of it. 🙂