Nighty Night

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Teddy’s started sleeping on his belly. Not just on his belly, but sitting next to me flopped over with his head on my lap. Once he gets soundly asleep, I scoot him onto the bed, and he flops over to his belly on the bed and wiggles around until he gets his head in my armpit.
Not sure what we’re going to do in the hospital, lol.

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Teddy’s cart

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It’s just a Melissa and Doug wooden crate that held wooden food with 4 casters glued to the bottom with construction glue.
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His feeding pump bag goes inside it. As Teddy crawls around the house, the feeding pump trails along behind him. It’s not entirely perfect, of course. It gets caught on corners, on toys, on chairs. But it’s better than nothing!
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Sorry for the blur there. Teddy moves FAST, lol.

6 Weeks to Go: Panic

Last week, I decided I was in Transition.

Transition. When you’re in labor, at least an unmedicated one (could be for medicated, too, I don’t know), when you reach the end of the dialation phase and you are heading into the pushing phase, you go through a period of time called Transition. Contractions sometimes come right on top of one another. You’re at your MOST miserable. You’re tired. Mentally, you’re spent.

This is when it’s not uncommon to decide you’re not going to have a baby. In labor with my oldest, I told our doula that I wasn’t going to do this any more. She encouraged me, “but, Sarah! You’re doing it!” And I didn’t have the energy to tell her, I didn’t mean physically getting a baby out of my body… I meant having a baby in a more general sense. I didn’t want to have a baby, after all. For a few insane moments, I literally had decided that I had changed my mind on the whole parenthood thing and I was ready to be finished.

Women report wanting to go home. Wanting to promise to come back tomorrow to have a baby. Wanting to be finished. Panicking. (also lovely things like vomiting, which I did with 2 of my labors, great fun.)

I was in Transplant Transition last week.

I was ready to bolt. I was panicky. I messaged Randy and told him I’d changed my mind, that we were crazy for doing this. (I was not actually serious, any more than I was serious about deciding I didn’t want to be a parent mere moments before giving birth to my first.) But think about it! Teddy’s had the best three months in his life here. It’s easy to forget in times like these what the previous 3 months were like, and what we’re trying to avoid. It’s easy to panic over whether this is the right decision.

And, just as you need support to get through transition in labor, I needed support to get through transition for transplant. I rallied that support and I think I’m past the worst of it. 🙂

Yesterday’s appointments

Yesterday was a big day for Teddy.

We started off in ultrasound, where Teddy helped the technician remove the ultrasound wand from his belly so he could rub his fingers in the goo and then eat it. I thought his kidneys looked kind of crappy, but I’m not a great ultrasound reader.

Then we moved on to a VCUG where they strapped him into the Baby Torture Device and jammed a hose into his penis and taped it there. He wasn’t a fan. He did manage to get his arms free, as well as his legs. Houdini.

Then a quick trot down to say hi to our favorite dialysis nurses.

And a visit with the urologist. Whose resident was shocked at the length of Teddy’s record. lol. Urologist said his bladder looks great, reflux looks worse but that’s not necessarily a concern. He thought they would want to remove at least the right kidney, but it’s not up to him. Bladder looking great is what we wanted to hear!!

Last, labs. Five pokes later, we finally had ALMOST enough blood drawn, and we gave up.

Auction, Event, Thank You!

Welcome to anyone visiting after seeing our Teddy Bear’s story on the news!

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If you are looking for information about Teddy’s auction, you can find that here on Facebook. (While you’re there, please “like” the page to follow Teddy’s journey through transplant and beyond.)

If you’re interested in our fundraising event, you may purchase tickets here, or get more information by emailing goteamteddybear@gmail.com

The event will be APRIL 20 at the Legion Hall located at 3712 2nd Ave in Des Moines. There will be live music (CW Hobbs, and maybe one other band!) and other entertainment (Ben Gran, comedian), a delicious meal, dancing (general dancing as well as swing dancing), a quick free dance lesson, and lots and lots of fun. Family friendly! Tickets are $12 for adults, $6 for children, and 5 and under attend free.

If you would like to eat at Buffalo Wild Wings and support Teddy, the dates are April 17th at the Merle Hay location, and April 24th at the Ankeny location. Tell your server you’re there for Teddy Reid and they’ll donate part of your bill.

7 Weeks to Go: Overwhelming Anxiety

I have told myself I wouldn’t “count down” to Teddy’s transplant until we got to 6 weeks, but who am I kidding? I decided I’d do a blog post each week about one of the many varied emotions we have going into transplant.

I know people understand a transplant is a big deal, but I can still very clearly remember how I thought about transplants pre-Teddy. Even, honestly, post-Teddy, but pre-Really And Truly Going To Get A Transplant. And my conception of a transplant from our Before life is COMPLETELY different from my conception of a transplant from our Now life.

I almost don’t even have words for it. I’ve found other transplant (particularly pre-transplant) moms get this, but almost nobody else really does. I just keep saying it’s BIG. It’s big. Big Big Big Big. I don’t know why Big seems like the best word to describe it, or even what I’m describing particularly. It’s just Big. It’s so big, I almost can’t deal with it. Think of an ant who happens across an elephant, or a tiny minnow trying to take in a giant whale. “Wow,” that ant would say, “that’s BIG.”

It’s BIG.

And with that BIG comes, for me, a lot of anxiety.

My heart is pounding just typing out this post. I’m actually starting to sweat a little, and I’m on the verge of tears. That, my friends, is anxiety.

My usual response to anxiety is to obsess. I research. I ponder. I mull. I question. I learn. I think about it all the time. Transplant? Nope. My response, which is surprising me and scaring me all at once, is pretty much utter denial.

I haven’t done much research. Surprisingly, until last week, I hadn’t even researched the pros and cons of leaving in the native kidneys. I just haven’t. Transplant is so big, I don’t even know where to start. And it’s scary, and whereas I was in a frame of mind to be able to cope with scary numbers in the beginning… I’m less willing to make myself cope with scary information now.

Part of me feels like I’d be less anxious if I were asking more questions, and part of me thinks that the answers to the questions might not be that reassuring. (either because they’ll be “Scary,” or because they’ll just be not too overly informative. It’s like if you ask a sportscaster during the first week of the season if some team that’s decent but not dominating is going to make the playoffs – they can talk for an hour about all the factors that play into it, but the end result of the conversation is still going to be that there’s no good way to tell. Ok, I am terrible at sports analogies. Took me 10 years of teaching dance lessons to be able to work good sports analogies into my banter for the menfolk.)

For now, a bit of denial is working. 🙂